After suffering a great deal from anxiety, I was introduced to Gestalt therapy in 2012. A friend thought the Gestalt approach, of focussing on immediate thoughts, feelings and behaviours to understand how we relate to others, might help.
At the time, I was also feeling quite stuck in my career and half-way through the therapy the same friend also introduced me to coaching.
Both coaching and the Gestalt approach gave me a number of insights that helped me to move forward. But things really started shifting when I realised that the beliefs system I’d developed were also creating my reality… but, importantly, that by changing those beliefs I could create a completely new world of possibilities and opportunity.
This world was one based on my values. Where I could use my strengths to grow. A world where I would learn a new language of self-worth, trust and hope. It was a world I’d previously never dared to dream about. But the day I allowed myself to visualise it, it started to become my reality.
I learned that showing up as who you really are - being authentic to yourself - is the most important gift you can give yourself. And, crucially, you can’t be your authentic self and enjoy your life if you’re living to please others.
Here are 4 things that will help you become your authentic self:
LIVE A LIFE BASED VALUES
Values are the foundation of our lives. The compass that gives us the direction we need to follow when we feel lost. Our core values remind us what’s really important. And when we’re not aligned to them, we create a world, which feels uncomfortable and un-authentic.
If you want to understand what your values are, ask yourself which people do you admire the most because what you admire in others is what describes you the best.
WORK FROM YOUR STRENGTHS
Do you find it easier to list your weaknesses rather than your strengths?
We come from a culture where improving our weaknesses are far more important than developing our strengths. Yet they are both as important.
A strength usually starts with a talent or a gift. It’s only when we identify, develop and use our natural talent that they become our strength. And when you play to your talents, you become more engaged and start performing better.
If you are interested in understanding what your core strengths are, there are two well-established tests available which can help you to identify them: Strengthsfinder 2.0 by Tom Rath or VIA Character Strengths.
BELIEVE AND YOU WILL CREATE YOUR REALITY
Beliefs create our reality. We are taught by our parents, our teachers, our environment, our experiences, how to perceive the world. We acquire certain beliefs, which can either help us grow or limit us. However limiting beliefs are never initially seen as limiting. We believe there is no other way and this limiting belief is THE truth… when in fact it is only OUR truth.
So next time you hear that little voice in your head that tells you ‘you’re not good enough’, ‘you should be like this’ or ‘do that’, pause for a second, acknowledge that it’s there and ask yourself what are the facts that support this belief and in most cases you’ll see that there aren’t any.
DREAM BIG
“I dream of painting and then I paint my dream.”- Vincent Van Gogh
When I ask my clients to describe their dreams, they often describe something that feels very safe or unauthentic. Sometimes they may even feel too embarrassed to even say aloud what they really dream of.
Fear or fear of failure can stop us from daring to ‘dream big’. But if we can’t dream what we really want how will we ever be able to create it?
Allow yourself to visualize what seems impossible to you right now and then start creating a plan that step by step will take you there.
And if you still can’t say it out loud, write it down like no-one can read it.
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