I used to think that life was a succession of stories each with a beginning, middle and an end.
That’s how I approached writing this mini-series. Each article was to be a short chapter that together made up the bigger narrative. But while I had a clear idea of what the beginning of my story was, I’ve really struggled to write this final piece.
The reason, I came to realise, was because I’m not at the end of my story; I am still on a journey.
The truth is life’s not made up of a linear series of episodes. It has many layers made up of many stories. Some of these stories may not even have an ending. They may just fade out as new milestones or more stories are added.
I don’t have all the answers, yet taking stock of where I am two things stand out for me so far.
First, we can’t possibly control everything that life throws at us. However, as we pass through our life journey we can consciously choose which stories to attend, the prominence we give them and character or role we will play. For example, when I was made redundant in 2014 I could have chosen to play the victim, blame the world for it and feel miserable but instead I chose to look at it as an opportunity to do what I really wanted to do.
The biggest breakthrough comes as we realise we each hold the pen to our lives and we have the power to write our own stories.
“If we own the story we can write the ending.” – Brene Brown
Second, the ‘end’ is not as important as the journey. That’s where we learn. We learn about ourselves and we learn about life, growing each day as a person and getting stronger through our experiences.
Becoming the hero in your own life story can seem daunting, but for me starting this new chapter I remember the words of Lao Tzu and that
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”
Here are some of the steps that I have helped me carry on the path I have chosen for myself:
Everything starts with WHY
For those of you not familiar with Simon Sinek’s work, I would invite you to watch this video (18mn) ‘Start with WHY’.
In my late twenties I often felt my life lacked meaning. It was only many years later, I realised that I lacked purpose. I discovered my purpose was to care for others and help them to see and reach their potential.
Having a sense of purpose is the drive to our life. As Simon Sinek says we often know what we do, how we do it but not why we do it. By being very clear on our why, we attract people that share the same values and beliefs.
Create your vision
I’ve always been an admirer of the great adventurers. I saw them as courageous and I envied their freedom. But what I didn’t realise was that their adventures required precise planning. You don’t just turn up at an airport airline desk and say: “I want to go somewhere”. You need to know where you’re going. You need to have a direction, a destination.
So you might not have all the steps laid out in front you but having a vision of where you want to go, what it would look like, is important. It will save you time and energy and create a sense of possibility for yourself.
Taking the first step towards your goals
“Setting up goals is the first steps to turn the invisible into the visible.”- Tony Robbins
Goals are important. They give you a focus. Yet they can be daunting – and so I learnt taking the first steps to get there can be even more important.
So don’t be overwhelmed, but take action – however small. Ask yourself: what is the tiniest step you can take today that will get you closer to your goal of designing the life style and career you really want?
For me it was deciding many years ago that I didn’t want to stay stuck and in a place of unhappiness. And then from here I started taking small steps creating room for changes. I am now married, changed career and started a new business that can fit around the lifestyle I want.
Taking risks
Of course change requires taking risks, which might feel scary at first but without trying, experiencing, failing, you won’t go anywhere.
So don’t be afraid of feeling uncomfortable, learn to live in the discomfort. The more you do this the less you will feel it.
For me at first it felt like I was constantly fighting and I was exhausted. Yet the more I learnt to acknowledge my discomfort, fear, anxiety, the less I felt it.
I am still learning everyday and I wouldn’t be on that journey today if I hadn’t received support, whether it came from my friends and family or professional support such as therapy and coaching.
We are not super-heroes but if we want to become the hero of our story I do believe that often we need someone to guide us and help us along the way.
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